Maybe most of us like to quit our job if we could. We constantly dream about it, but that’s about as far as we get-dreaming. Working an 8-5 shift just seems unavoidable. I, Timothy Ward, however am a master at defying the inescapable. I stare ‘The Inevitable’ right in the face and call him dirty names. I say, if you like to stop working, STOP WORKING; I’ll even give you 5 reasons why you should.

1. If you leave your job you’ll have plenty of time to reading articles such as this. That will make me a trademark name down at the Unemployment and Welfare offices. My famousness is a small price to pay for you living your dreams. Think about this when you see me on the ‘Today Show’.

2. There’s a great feeling in quitting your job. For about 10 minutes you’ll be on cloud nine, you’ll on the top of the world, you’ll have a good life, you’ll be: -insert your own cliche here-. Then the worries start about the car note, the mortgage, the kid’s school clothes, groceries, and how you’re going to pay that $850 you owe the Petermanns for running over their mailbox and a whole row of prize-winning azaleas. All this will bring depression up to the extent of attempting suicide, but at least you had 10 minutes of freedom.

3. TV shows during the day is considered the most breathtaking and captivating television in the market. You’ll think how come you get to survive without all those quality soap operas, daytime talk shows, and judge shows where you suspect that the judge has beed paid. Mix all these shows with all the educational TV ads that air during the day that will ”Get a degree from home’, ‘Make $1,000 a day answering emails’,'Learn the Internet in 2 hours’ in such exciting fields as GED preparation and septic tank scrubber’ and you’ll not just think why you didn’t leave your job sooner, you promise you won’t get back to work again.

4. In your formerly employed state you missed all those important calls from collection agencies and other bill collectors. Now that you have quit your job you’ll be able to sit at home in eager anticipation of these oh-so-important calls. Toss in a few telemarketers, calls from various associations begging for donations, and a few of those computers that call you and ask you to ‘Hold for an important message’ and you’ll have a full day of just answering the phone. It’s like having a job again, without all the hassle of getting a paycheck.

5. Forcing yourself out of bed daily at 5:45 in the morning is not good for your health. Your doctor will be happy to know that you care enough for your body to go as far as quitting your job. He will not, however, see you as a patient anymore since you don’t have health insurance. We have free clinics though, and you don’t have to worry. Sitting all day in a damp clinic waiting room next to two teenagers diagnosed with Gonorrhea is yet another experience you would have missed out on if you keep working on your present job.

There you have it folks. 5 reasons why you should immediately go out and quit your job. Have a free feeling to say these to your boss when you turn in your two weeks notice. If she wants to knowwhere in the world you get that information tell her that a friend with unselfish motives provided them to you, and all I wanted in return was that you remember me when you get your septic tank scrubbed next time…

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